Thursday, May 24, 2012

A Slap on the Wrist for Trolly!

An open letter to Internet Trolls,

Here at Cold Brood, I always welcome comments and feedback. I eat constructive criticism for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

However, if your goal is to leave disruptive, rude, or otherwise stupid comments please understand they will be deleted. This blog is my face on the Web and if you insist on spitting on it, well, I'll just wipe it off. Yes! Do you hear me? I WILL WIPE IT OFF!

Of course the natural reaction would then be to spit in the face of the offending commenter, but no. Because here on the Web, people can hide themselves under that uber-generic ANONYMOUS. Posting as ANONYMOUS is absolutely welcome as long as it's constructive. I love the comments left by all the lovely ANONYMICE. But if you're just going to post mindless drivel under that moniker, you are nothing short of a coward. Plain and simple.

Here's the thing--if you don't like the content of this blog, don't read it. And if you get some perverse pleasure out of throwaway, uncreative, drive-by commenting in the pre-dawn hours when your life seems meaningless please do yourself a favor and seek out that meaning. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Sniff glue. It won't damage your brain anymore than it already is.
2. Try cordless bungee jumping.
3. Drink a glass of paint thinner. That'll clear up the constipation that's got you in such a mood.
4. Skinny dip in hydrochloric acid.
5. Start your own blog so that I can post comments on it. As myself, not a crawling little grub.
6. If you're still feeling ignorant, read this then feel free to bring it on. With the latest in Google Analytics, it won't be hard to pinpoint your location; those maps are detailed.

Oh, look at you! You took your wrist-slap like a perfect little trolly-angel.

You are dismissed. Go nurse your hangover.


  1. Ah, Hahahahaha!

  2. Darn it. I wrote a full, nice paragraph about you and your blog/work, but my computer decided to eat it. Terrible. I'm one of the nice Anonymouses who has forever enjoyed your creations. I very much so enjoyed this blog, and needed the smile it inspired while I cannot sleep at all. I only wish you would write more of them. I would say, pay no attention to the crude, rude, challenged, anti-intellects, but I am afraid if you did, entirely, I would have to miss out on witty-bright blogs like this. Keep on at what you do as you do. -- Mouse.

  3. Thank you, Mouse. I appreciate your comment and that you enjoy this silly ol' blog. I will be returning to it on a fuller basis in the near future. Promise. :)

  4. Awesomeness. :)

  5. Oh, I do try. *Sigh* 'lol'