Civilization: How NOT to Live

Some years ago, I got heavily involved with a game called Sid Meier's Civilization. Perhaps you've heard of it or even played it. Each of its iterations (they're up to Civ VI now, I'm told, though I haven't played much beyond Civ IV's final expansion pack) has a fantastic multiplayer feature wherein you can challenge friends and strangers via the Internet or LAN connection. Many evenings were spent in such a fashion, drinking brews and decimating cities, but the longer I played, the more I learned. Hang with me a minute, okay?

In the game, you choose to be one of many historical leaders. From Abe Lincoln to Zara Yaqob and Boudica to Queen Isabella, pick your favorite and get to work. And what work is that, you may ask? Well, you start with a single settler family on a map of thick wilderness in the year 4000 BC, where all manner of hungry beasts lurk and raging barbarians hope to pillage all you have.

Wolves pose an early threat to your vulnerable civilization, but just wait till you tap a uranium mine!

The family must find a permanent place to settle, preferably close to valuable resources like horses (which you can eventually domesticate) or gold (which you can eventually mine). Once you've established your first city, you must improve it through gaining new technologies. For instance, when you discover masonry, you can build a wall around your city to better protect it from exterior threats. Learn the ways of pottery and you can build a granary to better store your crops. Keep learning, keep improving. Get the idea?

Civ IV also has a feature in which players can found various religions. If you're the first to discover meditation, for example, you have the choice to convert your people to Buddhism. Polytheism will get you Hinduism. Monotheism=Judaism. Theocracy, Christianity. And so on. The game designers were careful to create all the religions equally so as not to offend players. Wise choice, given the behavioral tendencies those of opposing religions sometimes display. And guess what? If a neighboring civ happens to follow a different religion than you, might as well ramp up for war at some point during the game. Because it's coming. And we all know we simply cannot accept someone believing something different than we do. Just like real life, right?

Queen Isabella urges you to adopt her religion under threat of war

But I digress. I'm here to tell you what playing Civilization taught me. Ready?

It taught me what not to do. It taught me what we, as a global population, should not be doing, even though we do it every single day, happily, and with abandon.

If your civ is "lucky" enough to have access to uranium and is advanced enough to have discovered the rocketry tech, you can develop nuclear weapons. Both short-range tactical jobs or full blown ICBMs. Then, if another civ slights you, you can blast away. As expected, the target city suffers enormous damage and population loss and the other civs regard you as a global villain and then you can pretty much kiss any shot of Diplomatic victory (see below) good-bye.

You see, there are six ways to "win" the game, at least in its 4th iteration. I'll list them here individually and let them sink in.

Conquest - You must eliminate all other civilizations
Cultural - Possess three cities with "legendary" culture
Domination - Lead the world in population by 30% and have 65% of the world under your control
Diplomatic - Win a United Nations election as world leader
Time - Have the highest score when the game ends in the year AD 2050
Space Race - Build and launch a space craft to get to Alpha Centauri before your rivals

Okay. Let's break that down. First off, ignore Time victory. That's just a default in case none of the other conditions are met. It's boring and tedious.

However, at least two of those "victories" sound absolutely horrifying. Eliminate all other civilizations? Yeah, pretty sure that's the definition of mass genocide. That's a way to win the game?

Or what about Domination, where you control greater than half the world? WTF, man, right?

A parade to flaunt your military might sounds just right

Diplomatic victory means the most popular leader gets voted to be in charge of the world and we know where electing "popular" leaders gets us.

Oh, guess what else? As time passes, and your civ builds forges and factories and coal refineries and nuclear plants, guess what else happens? Climate change. Yeah. Where once you farmed corn, wheat, and bananas, now you've got completely worthless dead brown patches. Your workers cannot irrigate them. Your cities begin to starve.

By the end of a given typical game, assuming you survive to AD 2050, your civ resembles a ragged war-torn nation. That's some win. You go on and fly that W.

This all sounds familiar, thought, right? Because we're working toward this W every single day. We're living it.

About the only hope this game offers is the Space Race, in which your civ gets to leave all the mess they created behind in the hopes of messing up somewhere else.

Be the first to haul ass off the uninhabitable planet you created!

I can recall few times when art so clearly imitates life. And few times as ugly. Are we ready to try something else yet? I am.

But, hey, at least your civ can drink wine. Assuming you're lucky enough to have wineries within your borders. *sobs*

How about a nice chardonnay while we watch the world burn, dear?

Sid Meier's Civilization VI: Rise and Fall is now available.

Of Keto and Kindness

My wife, Samantha, embarked on a new journey in March, in which she gave up eating carbs and sugar. That's a startling sentence for many of us. I know what you're thinking. Or maybe I don't. Because it seems many of us are making that leap of late. Me? No way. Huh uh. Give up bread and sweets? I'd rather die.

But that's me. And I'm not you.

Nor am I Samantha, who since beginning this incredible journey, has lost 30 lbs and gained a fantastic new perspective. She's more alert. She has more energy. Many of the daily aches and pains she endured have flown the coop. It's like she's a whole new person. It's been amazing to travel with her on this odyssey.

However.

As previously intimated, I'm not yet ready to take that plunge. I mean, why should I, right? I'm not too overweight yet (give it time). I don't ache anywhere (usually). And, damn it, as much as I hate the act of eating, I love to enjoy the taste of my food. I will gladly forfeit a few years at the end of the line to enjoy a hamburger today.

So this will not be a post prepping to proselytize you to a keto lifestyle (because it is a lifestyle, not a "diet" -- make no mistake). No. Because I'm not there yet, even if millions of you are.

Quite the opposite. I'm here to talk bread, literally and metaphorically. Hang with me a minute, 'kay?

I'm of the educated opinion that 75% of what makes a good sandwich is the bread. Don't skimp. Don't settle. Pay extra at the supermarket. Because, by God, the gluten you use to house your meats, cheeses, and condiments matters.

Skip the store-brand white bread. Skip the name-brand too. I mean, unless that's your jam. But if it is, you're missing out. A nice whole grain goes a long way. A hearty rye can make the meal. And if you're really feeling feisty, try a fresh loaf of pumpernickel. Supreme stuff.

This post could easily go off the rails if I got into the necessity of a quality core, but I'll save that for another day. Let's get into the meat (heh) of what I'm really trying to say here.

If we can all agree that the wrapping you use to bind your sandwich matters, then so do so many larger issues. Take your pick. Or rather, I'll choose one. Mostly at random. But not really.

Let's go with kindness. I keep seeing memes crop up on social media about how being kind costs nothing. That's true, but kindness runs deeper than that. Kindness pays dividends. And it can be contagious. I've stood in lines at a coffee shop where someone pays for the beverage of the person behind them and dammit if it didn't run all the way to the back to the door.

I won't go into how damaging cruelty is. Not here. I'll save that for a different day. Today is all about kindness and how it can enrich us, each and every one.

Growing up, I watched a lot of public broadcasting. Sesame Street, The Electric Company, 3-2-1 Contact. All great shows. My favorite, though, hands down, was Mr. Roger's Neighborhood. I recall watching, jaw agape, as our host stepped onto set and did nothing but act kind for the duration.

At first I thought it must be an act. The kids at school, the ones who spat bad words and laughed as they pushed me down, could have stood a healthy dose of Mr. Roger's medicine. I wondered if their parents cared enough to even introduce them to the Neighborhood.



Check out the trailer for Won't You Be My Neighbor and don't tear up. I dare you.



Over time, though, I realized the stuff Fred Rogers pedaled was genuine--the real deal. Here was a man who was actually kind. Not just acting kind for his TV audience. The man truly wanted to help people, not harm them.

But this is nothing new. We've all heard this quote: Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. 

What a concept, right? It's not hard to enact. In fact, according to this, you literally have to do nothing. But it takes real effort to be cruel. Cruelty is not a crime of passion; it takes premeditation. It takes a determined mind to wake up every day and act ugly.

You know what doesn't take determination? Changing. If you're tired of wearing the bully mask, you can stop anytime. Just don't put it on. Go out into the world and espouse happiness. Those you interact with will return your glee tenfold. Try it. You'll see. It takes no effort whatsoever.

I guess what I'm trying to say here is: Kindness is the bread in which we should wrap our lives. (Is that a little ham-fisted? Sure, but I couldn't help myself.)

But, dude, aren't you equating bread and kindness and people who've cut bread out of their lives must also cut out kindness? Not at all. I've tried some keto bread and damn if it's not as delicious as full-gluten. Okay, you know what? Don't mess with my metaphor. I know it's as wobbly as a newborn calf, but let me have it, will ya?! JUST LET THE MESSAGE FLOW THROUGH YOU.

Because you know what takes real effort? Converting to a keto lifestyle, like Samantha and so many others have. That is true, hard, sometimes painful change. If they can change, so can you. You simply need to want it.